The Angel You Always Were
by Twelf Bell
Summary: Ayase's tear-filled last words were “Kanou-san, I love you.” Kanou doesn't know what to feel anymore. Character death. Implied shonen-ai; as expected of No Money. Sequel to Only Once.


**Disclaimer: **I do not own No Money / Okane ga Nai, but I do own my ideas.

**Warning:** It's rated T for a reason. There is **coarse foul language (at least four words?) and boys love.** This is also a No Money fanfic after all. You should know how Kanou-san acts.. right? **~SEi**

**A/N:** You can read this first or the prequel – _Only Once _first. It doesn't matter either way. I wrote this before _Only Once._

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_I love you. _Those simple three words resounded in Kanou Somuku's head over and over like an echo. _Kanou-san, I love you. _With his name added to the words that were supposed to have made him happy, he felt his eyes begin to water. _Shit. I've never cried before. Why now?_ He rubbed the tears away with his palm, making his already red eyes turn a more harsher red.

Throughout the seven nights and six days that passed, Kanou worked his ass off. If there was nothing to be done, he ordered the Kuba twins for something else. If the Kuba twins didn't have anything for him, he would curse aloud, leave the building with a loud slam of the door, and smoke-stroll around town. During these strolls, he would unconsciously bring his eyes to things that would remind him of Ayase. He doesn't cry. He doesn't even scream. He only stares. He stares and stares and stares at it until his blue heart can't take it anymore. He would then go straight home and lie on his empty bed. It would only be mid-evening by then.

As he stares at his room ceiling, its' pale whiteness would remind him of Ayase. He would close his eyes but he won't sleep. Visions would then burn into the darkness, a timeline of his days with Ayase. The rain. The umbrella. The smile. All the way to the gun. The blood. Those last words that pierced his mind and made his blood turn cold with fear. Fear of losing his heart's beat. Fear of losing his heart's love. Fear of... _I have already lost him._

When Kanou would open his eyes, it would be morning already. The sun would be on its way up to its position in the sky and the clouds would move away for the mighty ball's arrival. The sky would turn orange and pink and purple. The chirping of birds can be heard a little away. Kanou would glance at the alarm clock. _4:30 AM –_ it was usually around this time that he woke up. And at this time, he would check his blinking cellphone and there would be three to ten missed calls and more than fifteen text messages from the Kuba twins and the others that knew Ayase. They would ask where he is and how he is feeling, though they already know their answers. He would curse and sigh to himself, his room looking a lot bigger than it usually was. He would then sit at the edge of his bed, and put his head in his palms. He would sit like that for hours.

Today, he had been sitting in that position ever since he woke up. It was also today that his tears finally came. It was also this very day that he found a crumpled ball of paper on the floor under the desk that Ayase always sat at to do his homework. It was right by the pale blue wastebasket so Kanou assumed that Ayase missed it when he was throwing it away. He picked it up and opened it up, smoothing the creases until it was readable. It was a letter. A letter with Ayase's neat handwriting on it.

_Kanou-san,_

_Happy Birthday! I wanted to get you flowers but I didn't know if you would like them or not. I was about to get you a tie but I knew you had a rare collection of your own. So then I decided to write this letter to tell you of my feelings. Kanou-san, I_

It stopped there. Kanou stared at it for a minute. _Birthday?_ Yes, that's right. That fateful day was his birthday. _What a __horrible birthday present that fuckin' Kusami gave._ He turned the paper around to see if anything else was written on it. When he found none, he dove for the garbage can. There were at least ten more crumbled paper balls. He immediately flattened them out and began to read.

_Kanou-san,_

_Happy Birthday! I made a cake and it's in the refrigerator. I hope you notice it. With this letter, I wanted to tell you my feelings. Kanou-san, I_

It stopped there. He grabbed another and started reading.

_Kanou-san,_

_Happy Birthday! I made a cake. I know you don't like sweets much but I tried my best to make it not sweet. I hope it's not too salty either. With this letter, I wanted to let you know that I_

It stopped there. The others had some similarities and some differences and some entirely different things, but each started with "Kanou-san, Happy Birthday!" and ended with "I". Kanou became frustrated. _Cake. Refrigerator._ He walked quickly to the kitchen and turned on the light. He glanced at the clock. _22:33_ _PM._ He opened the refrigerator and skimmed around. And there it was. The cake. He took it out and put it on the table. In pink-colored cream, there were the words, "Happy Birthday, Kanou-san!" There were flowers and lines going this way and that. It seemed that Ayase didn't know what to put as decoration. Kanou chuckled to himself.

Then, he noticed an attached envelope that was taped to the bottom of the cake plate. When he had put the cake down on the table, the already-dried up tape had probably let go, making the envelope hang. Kanou took the envelope and opened it. Inside was a letter. He read it to himself.

_Kanou-san,_

_Happy Birthday! I hope you enjoyed my cake. I made it not so sweet, since I remember you telling me that you didn't like sweets. I'm sorry I couldn't get you another present. It was hard to decide. I don't have much money either. You probably would be happy from my present anyway, wouldn't you? But you would actually prefer having.. my.. _(the handwriting got smaller here) _body.._ (back to normal, though a little shaky) _Anyway, I hope you have a great birthday today. I'm sorry I can't eat this cake with you. I told you yesterday that today I'm going to meet up with my said "dead" grandmother. I'm sorry I chose this specific day. But you allowed me. Thank you, Kanou-san. I love you very much. _(here he drew a heart)

_Love,_

_Ayase_

Kanou stared blankly at the paper. _Fuck it!_ He slammed the table, making part of the cake fall down on to the table. He glared at it as if it was the cake's fault that Ayase died. He gritted his teeth and closed his eyes. He calmed himself down and then sat down on the chair that was in front of him.

_I love you very much._ Kanou put his hands together in a prayer and said, "Yes, Ayase, I love you too."

He prayed for Ayase's safe departure to heaven if he became a ghost, and prayed for Ayase's unbending love. He opened his eyes and looked up at the chandelier light that hung on the ceiling and for the first time since, he reached into his pocket and felt around for the garnet ring that he had given to Ayase four days before the fateful day. He took it out of his pocket and stared at it sadly for a few seconds. He then kissed it and gripped it tightly in his large hands. And then, looking at the ceiling.. the sky.. the heavens, he finally smiled. Then somehow, just somehow, he began to feel sleepy. He folded his arms onto the table and lay on them. He closed his eyes and fell asleep, the ring still in his hand.

_Ayase... you're finally the angel you always were._

And somehow, just somehow somewhere up in the clouds, Ayase smiled.

**THE END.**

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**A/N:** Woo-hoo!~ It's finished! I always wanted to write this... character deaths are so fun to write.. though sad because the character's gone.. TT^TT; In your reviews, _**PLEASE DON'T badmouth me just because Ayase is dead.**_ It's just a story!

My first time cursing! Thankfully, I didn't say it aloud when I typed it xD And thankfully, my fingers always type what's always not on my mind :P Anyway.. uh.. **REVIEWS OF ANY KIND ARE WELCOME, but do refer back **to the bold italics up there.** ~SEi**


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